Circle of Friends

Who is your five?

According to studies, the average person spends his or her most time with five people and those five people determine everything about that person. They determine the way that person thinks, talks, philosophizes, acts, his or her behaviors, habits, dreams, goals, and etc. It’s no wonder there’s a saying that states: “if you want to get to know a person, find out who his or her friends are!”

I’ve had the pleasure to get to know someone very sweet and kind since I moved to Los Angeles and I feel blessed to be able to call her my friend. However, recently, I’ve also had the “pleasure” to get to know her friends. At first, I kept trying not to judge and of course after a few hours and a few different settings, I made my conclusion. Here is a group of people who seemingly never left high school! Just as one would in high school play the part of “mean girls” or even “cool girls” and sit down for hours to drink, smoke, and GOSSIP! At one point, they brought down another person so much that I felt like, what’s the difference between you guys and that person? You are saying this person is so cheap and superficial and a...cougar basically. And yet, other than perhaps the cougar part, you are not acting that differently!

In any case, I kept thinking, this friend of mine can’t be like these people. Yet, when I observed her, I realized she was laughing along, gossiping along, and seemingly at the same level as the rest of them. Not only that, but I realized, this is now officially my second outing with these people and already, I feel like I know them more and can relate with them more. Sure, this may help with feeling less lonely when in a place where you don’t know anyone because you are so damn new. However, this can’t be it. I realized last night just how much I would rather have stayed home and watched my own sitcoms rather than be in this atmosphere. Now, I don’t have anything against people who smoke or drink or anything, but there is one thing I can’t handle, one thing that crosses the line for me, and that is, gossiping and putting someone down in this way, especially in his or her absence. I mean, not only were they gossiping or whatnot, that’s all they did. The entire night, this was their conversation topic. Maybe not that one particular person but all they “discussed” throughout the night were “people”!

I’m making a life here with my husband from scratch, from 0 (though sometimes we joke that we are really starting with negative because of all the credit card debts). I’m making a life and I’m shaping it; I can no longer blame my past and my youth for having the friends I do or going to the same places always. I am the master of my own life and I choose who my five are.

I would like to end this post with a (very related) quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."