I have recently decided to change the course of my life. There are several key things I want to change in my life like my goals, my habits, and my point of view.
I have already worked to change myself and my habits a lot. In fact, I went from a girl who had 2000+ songs in my iTunes & always constantly trying to add the latest available music and organize them accordingly to a person with 0 music. I have some songs still there because I purchased them on iTunes apparently I can't get rid of them. But I rarely listen to them. Instead, I use iTunes as a medium for listening to self development audio files. Likewise, I went from watching and following 5 tv shows at a time to watching none. I might occasionally, in my absolute free time watch something funny or maybe even dramatic, but I don't stick to keeping up on new shows. In fact, I stopped watching the shows I used to follow and I stopped watching anything new for that matter. In addition, I have gained control of my use of my phone, social networks and sometimes go days without checking my social media profiles or hours without checking my phone. In fact, at times I don't check my phone so much that I forget that I own one!
Of course, these changes in habits didn't happen overnight and there is still certainly a lot of habits that I can not only change but add into my lifestyle, like reading more often, listening to more audios, and spending my time doing creative activities during my "recovery" rest time.
Now, I am going even bigger. I'm considering to forego the number one goal that I have had for the past 4 years, and that is, pursuing a PhD in Composition. I first began to have this goal for pursuing a "Comparative Literature" PhD, a goal that I changed recently to "Education". However, now, I am considering changing that altogether and taking it out of the proportion.
I want to describe the emotional distress that immediately followed even thinking about letting go of this dream and making a new one. Logically, it makes a lot of sense to give up this dream and follow really bigger ones. However, emotionally, it is really hard because it leaves me feeling empty inside and unfulfilled. I have held this image in my head for so long that my bliss lies in pursuing a PhD. It was safe and warm. Sure, it had some obstacles and hardships and surely once admitted to a program, it meant having to sacrifice a lot to be able to be the best at it. But int he end of the day, it was safe, because it was school. School feels safe to me. But I always knew that once I completed school, I would have to come back into this "real world" once again. Perhaps I was only trying to delay this process.
My husband pointed out something yesterday that really hit the mark: it is time for action. For the past 4 or 5 years, I have been up in the air, not sure where I can land. I was traveling a lot between the US and Iran, staying for a couple of months here and a couple of months abroad. I wanted to pursue a PhD but I couldn't because I had to work in order to have money to travel or because long-distance was just too darn hard for us.
Today is the day for action, because I can't complain about the same things anymore. My husband is finally here; we are finally settled in at one place (LA, California) and it is time to act. I can't just make excuses anymore and I don't want to! I want to start living my best year yet. I want to be my most successful best. And it seems to me that pursuing a PhD is not the route I want to take to be able to become that person.
I don't want to take too much time trying to come up with something new either. In fact, it is pretty clear what I want to do: I want to write. I want to lead. I want to pursue entrepreneurship. I want to become a business professional.
To me, that translates straight into an MBA.
I have already worked to change myself and my habits a lot. In fact, I went from a girl who had 2000+ songs in my iTunes & always constantly trying to add the latest available music and organize them accordingly to a person with 0 music. I have some songs still there because I purchased them on iTunes apparently I can't get rid of them. But I rarely listen to them. Instead, I use iTunes as a medium for listening to self development audio files. Likewise, I went from watching and following 5 tv shows at a time to watching none. I might occasionally, in my absolute free time watch something funny or maybe even dramatic, but I don't stick to keeping up on new shows. In fact, I stopped watching the shows I used to follow and I stopped watching anything new for that matter. In addition, I have gained control of my use of my phone, social networks and sometimes go days without checking my social media profiles or hours without checking my phone. In fact, at times I don't check my phone so much that I forget that I own one!
Of course, these changes in habits didn't happen overnight and there is still certainly a lot of habits that I can not only change but add into my lifestyle, like reading more often, listening to more audios, and spending my time doing creative activities during my "recovery" rest time.
Now, I am going even bigger. I'm considering to forego the number one goal that I have had for the past 4 years, and that is, pursuing a PhD in Composition. I first began to have this goal for pursuing a "Comparative Literature" PhD, a goal that I changed recently to "Education". However, now, I am considering changing that altogether and taking it out of the proportion.
I want to describe the emotional distress that immediately followed even thinking about letting go of this dream and making a new one. Logically, it makes a lot of sense to give up this dream and follow really bigger ones. However, emotionally, it is really hard because it leaves me feeling empty inside and unfulfilled. I have held this image in my head for so long that my bliss lies in pursuing a PhD. It was safe and warm. Sure, it had some obstacles and hardships and surely once admitted to a program, it meant having to sacrifice a lot to be able to be the best at it. But int he end of the day, it was safe, because it was school. School feels safe to me. But I always knew that once I completed school, I would have to come back into this "real world" once again. Perhaps I was only trying to delay this process.
My husband pointed out something yesterday that really hit the mark: it is time for action. For the past 4 or 5 years, I have been up in the air, not sure where I can land. I was traveling a lot between the US and Iran, staying for a couple of months here and a couple of months abroad. I wanted to pursue a PhD but I couldn't because I had to work in order to have money to travel or because long-distance was just too darn hard for us.
Today is the day for action, because I can't complain about the same things anymore. My husband is finally here; we are finally settled in at one place (LA, California) and it is time to act. I can't just make excuses anymore and I don't want to! I want to start living my best year yet. I want to be my most successful best. And it seems to me that pursuing a PhD is not the route I want to take to be able to become that person.
I don't want to take too much time trying to come up with something new either. In fact, it is pretty clear what I want to do: I want to write. I want to lead. I want to pursue entrepreneurship. I want to become a business professional.
To me, that translates straight into an MBA.
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