Morning Routine

I've been constantly hearing about the importance of having a "morning routine" and sticking to it. First, it was during Insane Productivity's module 8 by Darren Hardy. He argued that yes, perhaps throughout the day, many unexpected things may happen and deadlines may arise etc that may cause you to not have time to work on your art or your "thing" or your "vital few" as he describes it. Perhaps, for me, that's writing. In any case, Darren Hardy argues that the only things we are in control of are our two "book ends"---right after bed and right before bed i.e. morning ritual and night ritual (going to bed ritual).

In fact, I've started having this "going to bed ritual" for a while--the whole turn off technology 1-2 hours before bed, read for 30 minutes, and prepare for the next day. Sometimes I cook during that time if we don't have any food left for the next day's lunch and sometimes I just read some poetry (in addition to my 30-minute book reading). On the other hand, I haven't been able to establish much of a morning routine. Well, I lied. I do have a morning routine, but it's not one that I'm consciously trying to do because it has just become a habit. However, the problem is, that I don't do it every day maybe because I never sat down and thought, I need to have a morning routine and here's what I should do as I did about before going to bed. I have to say, since only a few weeks ago, I had very crazy mornings as I had to get up, get ready, drive my husband to Santa Monica (because he didn't have his license yet) and find a cafe or something to sit down and do my work. If I were lucky enough to wake up before him, I was able to make some coffee and maybe do some writing before we drove off.

Even now, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, we leave the house around 6-6:15 typically so as I wake up around 6-6:30 on a typical day, it makes it hard to establish a morning routine that is the same every day. Thus, I was thinking, maybe I don't have to completely give up. Perhaps I can still have a morning routine for all the days except Tues & Thurs. In addition, on at least one weekend day, I typically don't put an alarm for myself and sometimes even both days if I was up late the night before. In this way, I think it is safe to say that I can establish a morning routine for myself for Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. Here is how I am thinking my morning routine should go:

6/6:30: Wake up.
Bathroom, wash face, contemplate (10 minutes)
Make coffee, turn my laptop on and go right into blogger.com (10 minutes)
Drink coffee & do 90-min writing (I'm going to push myself to write 90 minutes a day instead of 1 hour) (90 minutes)
Make/Have breakfast & watch DarrenDaily & check emails etc & then go about my day really

The idea is that I control the first 2 hours I awaken and the last 2 hours before I go to sleep. Let's not forget that this will take discipline, but I am aware and I am prepared. It has taken a lot of discipline for me to turn off my phone for 2 hours before sleep but I'm a better woman because of it. Thus, writing, which is my passion in life, is something I need to improve more and more so I must establish a routine to get right on that. Oh and on Tuesdays and Thursdays, when I am unable to write for 90 minutes before I even leave the house, I plan on doing my 90 minute writing right after my class at 11am-12:30. I think it's a good plan.

Starting tomorrow, I will be routine girl! 

Karan Johar, Why?

If you know me personally, you know that I. Love. Bollywood movies. Like, I just get such a high on Bollywood movies. It used to be that I would only watch movies that starred Shahrukh Khan, but then when I expanded my horizons a bit onto other great actors, I was pleasantly surprised. As of now, I'm not particularly obsessed with Bollywood movies as much as I used to be anyway in college, but from time to time, I definitely enjoy sitting through a 3-hour fun-fest of singing and dancing and love and beauty and colorfulness!

Tonight, I finally watched Ae Dil Mushkil Hai. May I just say I only decided to pay the $13 (a fee that I find too expensive to watch a movie in the theater and so avoid the theater most of the time but made an exception this time because of the reason I'm about to describe now) to watch this movie because it is written and directed by Karan Johar. Karan Johar is sort of like a rockstar in the Bollywood world. Most of the movies that Shahrukh Khan and other Bollywood heroines have shined in are written and directed by him. Let me rephrase that: all movies that Karan has made except this one and one other one, has starred Shahrukh Khan. However, this one, did not, which is okay. I've accepted the fact that Shahrukh Khan cannot star in every bollywood movie. In fact, another favorite actor of mine, Ranbir Khan starred in this one opposite Anushka Sharma, who is also a pretty good actress. Yet, the movie was one of those Bollywood movies where it just went on and on and on and on and you kept wondering...when will it end?

It was sort of this cycle that repeated over and over again. You fall in love with someone; he doesn't love you back so your heart is broken. Then, you befriend someone who falls in love with you and you don't love him back because you love your ex. And then, that guy's heart is broken. That guy befriends another girl who falls in love with him but he doesn't love her back because of that other girl who he loved. And you just wonder...at some point, someone is going to realize that this is all just so stupid and unrealistic and at some point, you should just give in and be a little realistic and just make do with what is right in front of you but no this cruel cycle just keeps on happening and no one's to say: why? why? Or at least, break the cycle! Not the girl, not the guy, not ever.

What I liked about the movie:

Shahrukh Khan's appearance in all his glory...who wouldn't love that?
Aishwarya Rai, back in Bollywood...I've been awaiting this day!
And of course, the music. 

What I didn't like about the movie:
The plot

In any case, it was a nice change of scenery. Usually, Hamed and I spend the weekends locked in our apartment watching shows or movies or just doing our work. Sometimes we even dare to hang out and go sight-seeing or hiking which is what we've been trying to do at least one day of the weekend. This weekend, yesterday, we hung out in the downtown LA area. I'm glad I watched this movie and I think I would've thought I'm missing so much if I didn't see it because it's Karan Johar! So I definitely don't regret watching this movie. But I think I'm going to be fine for a while, not watching Bollywood movies...at least until the next Shahrukh Khan movie!

End of the week, writing

With that, Alex closed her eyes and this time when she opened her eyes, it was her Mandala looking back at her. Alex took a deep breath, washed her face and opened the bathroom door.

Alex calmly walked to the living room and saw the table had already been set.

"There you are. Where were you sweetie? Blaine got bored...he's upstairs on the phone. Were you throwing up in there? I hope you didn't make a mess. We have guests for God's sake. Maddy said you got mad because she didn't let you drink more??" Alex's mother was going on and on but Alex wasn't hearing her. She was in her la la land and in a way, mentally, relaxing and letting her Mandala take over.

"No I didn't throw up. No worries! And you're right; I know. Maddy always looks out for me. I hope she's doing okay."

The change in Alex's tone startled her mother, Marilyn. "Um. oh. Okay. That's good. Yeah she's fine why wouldn't she be?"

Alex smiled at her mother and sat down at the dinner table. 

Her mother was still dumbfounded. Maximus and Fred walked in, probably smoking. Blaine walked in behind them; it looks like he wasn't that bored after all.

He flashed a smile at Alex and she looked away, blushing. Blaine was impressed. He sat next to her, between Marilyn and Alex to be exact. He turned to her. "So tell me about LA."

"Oh certainly. LA is--different! It's much warmer for one!..."

Marilyn was still surprised but she decided not to read too much into it and instead went to the kitchen to help Maddy bring out the rest of the food. Fred and Maximus also sat at the table. They were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn't even realize that Alex had been in the bathroom for 15 minutes and was sitting with Blaine now, having an intent conversation. At this point, Blaine was looking at Alex like she was the only person in the world. It was like he was under a spell. Well, in a way, he really was under a spell. That was the thing with Mandalas. Not only were they extraordinarily calm and embodied peace, but they were also magical beings. They took everything that was good and positive within their host's souls and radiated it. 

Maddy walked into the room and sat next to Fred, across from Alex and Blaine. Marilyn walked behind her and set the salad on the table and sat in her seat. She noticed Blaine was still looking at her daughter in the dazed way and felt a hint of jealousy. She shook her head, trying to clear the image from her mind. 

"Daddy. Come on. Can you give me back my husband and also ready to say grace?"

Maximus was finally able to shift focus from Fred and looked at Maddy. "Sure sweetheart. Is everyone here? Alex?" He looked around and saw that she was sitting not too far away and was smiling at him. He smiled back and brought his palms together in form of prayer and said aloud:

"For the meal we are about to eat, for those that made it possible, and for those with whom we are about to share it, we are thankful. Amen."

Everyone repeated, Amen. And they started to eat. Blaine tried really hard to look away and onto the salad. Alex graciously poured some soup onto her bowl and began to take small sips. 

"Blaine, your shirt. Let me help you with that." Blaine had spilled gravy on his shirt because he was too busy, still staring at Alex. It was Marilyn, Alex's mother who said that. She rushed to the kitchen to get a napkin and began to pat away on his shirt. 

Blaine was looking rather embarrassed. "oh that's not necessary. I'm good thank you." He took the napkin away and got up: "I'll just run to the restroom to clean this up. Excuse me."

Nobody said anything when he left the table and went to the restroom and got out, in a rush probably to get back to sitting next to Alex, but when he returned, Marilyn had taken his spot and was beaming at him. Blaine, not knowing what to say, sat on Marilyn's original seat. But he still tried to peek at Alex, once in a while. She was now talking to Maddy, gracious as ever, discussing the current events. 

It was around this time that Alex's father, Maximus realized that her daughter was in a completely different state. In fact, she was even sitting differently. She always had a slight slouch when she sat and here she was sitting straight more than ever. 

"Anyway it's these stupid Mandalas that are ruining everything." Alex's hand turned into a fist for a moment before going right back to normal and nodding. That was when Maximus became extra suspicious but decided not to say anything, still.
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After dinner, Alex offered to make the coffee and Blaine followed her to the kitchen to help her out. Alex, watching this whole scene from behind the curtain, was starting to be impressed by Blaine and the bravery he showed in front of her parents despite her mother's obvious crush on him. Silently, she gave the permission to her Mandala to let him kiss her. Blaine moved in for the kiss only for her father to pull him away from behind. 

"No! She's lying to you! It's not her. She's just using you."

Blaine looked shocked and surprised at this point, and a bit embarrassed. "Wha--I---sorry. But, what??" 

Maximus was angrily snarling at Alex now, ready to attack. Alex didn't know how to respond. She tried to shake it off and walked towards her father to remedy the situation but he only stepped back.

"Get away from me bitch. You don't belong here. How dare you take over my daughter? Go away you monster! Get away from her!" 

Alex stepped back. She didn't know what to do. Did he know? How was that possible? He couldn't know. And if he did, he wasn't supposed to point it out. 

Alex attempted to walk towards her father again and opened her mouth to explain when---whip. Alex fell to the ground. Her father had slapped her and she was bleeding. At this point, Maddy, Marilyn, and Fred joined the scene in the kitchen. Maddy tried to run to Alex when this happened but her father stopped her.

"Maddy. It's not her. It's those Mandalas. She's possessed by them!" Maddy stopped in her tracks. Maddy turned to Fred and whispered in his ear to take Blaine home. Fred complied. He tried to pull Blaine away. "But...Alex...I need to..." Blaine stammered. "Man...I'll explain in the car okay come on! It's a family matter." They walked out the front door.

Maximus also walked out of the kitchen. Marilyn and Maddy followed him. He was pacing back and forth in the living room, trying to decide what to do next. 

Marilyn and Maddy were watching him, hand in hand. Marilyn had already started crying and Maddy was trying to comfort her. 

"I don't understand. How did this happen? I knew we shouldn't have let her gone to LA. What the fuck were we thinking? Look at her now! She's gone and gotten possessed by these things. She's never going to be able to recover. We can't have her in this house. I can't have her! How do we get that beast out of her? There must be a way. There must be a way!"

Maximus was muttering to himself at this point. Maddy walked to her father and stopped him. 

"Dad, I don't think there is a way for us to do anything unless we take her to the doctor or something. If anything else, I think she's the one who has to make the decision."

Her dad looked back at him and resolved, said: "I'm going to beat it out of her if I must!" And he angrily pushed Maddy away and made an attempt to walk towards the kitchen when he saw Alex, napkin in hand, walk out and say: "There's no need for that. I'm already back."

Her eyes were teary and she was trying hard not to break down. 

"What you did was so irresponsible. Is this how I raised you? How dare you?--"

Maximus was going on without making any attempt to apologize. Alex was surprised by this. She thought when she reversed, he would be apologetic for hitting her, but he was only continuing to reprimand her. And that's when she lost it. 

She ran to her room upstairs and put all her clothes back in her luggage and ran down. Maddy tried to stop her but Alex pushed her away. She promised she would never return to this home again and if she wanted, she could switch to her Mandala forever and it was not up to anyone to tell her not to do this. She was screaming all this while her dad had fallen silent. Her mother, Marilyn, was crying uncontrollably at this point. Alex walked out of the door and slammed the door behind her. She walked a little only to be stopped by Fred, in his car. He rolled down the window, seeing the luggage in her hand: "need a ride?" Alex, who was freezing in the snowy weather, opened the front door and got in. 
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A lot has passed since then...Alex eventually made up with her parents and Maximus apologized like a hundred times. He did regret hitting her and after not responding to any of his calls for 6 months, Maximus had taken a plane and gone to see Alex in LA. After talking for hours, they finally came to an agreement. Alex can switch to her Mandala as much as she liked except when she was in their presence. Maximus told Alex that he's going to try to respect her decision to have the Mandala but she also needed to respect him about why he was so against them. Coming to a mutual agreement, it was settled. One year later, Fred and Maddy split up. Alex was relived, because she never wanted to have to explain how that night went when Fred picked her up after their fight. Thankfully, the divorce was completely unrelated to what went on between her and Fred that night. Still, Alex always felt very weird when she was around her sister. She felt a sense of guilt but at the same time, she felt justified. 
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I'm going to end my writing here and take the pains to put everything I've written so far together to see how much I have, edit it a bit and come back to this story on Monday. This week has been so much fun and on the weekend I will go back to writing non-fiction. I think this story definitely still has a way to go which is okay because I'm starting to re-energize in my writing process, one a hour a day, every day.   

Continuation of Story

Matt was already on his way out of the country, in his private jet. Well, the company's private jet to be exact, from Dubai. He was going to sign a million-dollar deal and in exchange, he was going to move to Dubai all-together. He would only be allowed to visit his office once every three months to make sure everything is going as planned. After all, his company was still the main source of money laundering. As for Alex, he knew she would understand, especially once she sees the surprise that will arrive at her door later in the day.
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Alex had already switched to her Mandala when her father found her. She was reading the newspaper. Yes, it was very unlike Alex to be reading the newspaper, but it was only because it wasn't her and it was her Mandala. Alex really hoped she wouldn't be forced to go back to her body, not just yet. She decided to give it a shot--to go switch with her Mandala after she had seen the new voice message from Matt. She was surprised, because she had been monitoring her phone all this time. In the voicemail, Matt had explained that he had to take an emergency trip to Mali, to the Children's Home where he had invested a year ago to build a school for the kids there. He explained that one of the kids was seriously ill and was in need of a blood transfusion and if he didn't go to take care of the problem, the kid may die by the end of the day. 

Alex had also invested in that school. In fact, last year, she paid $20,000 to fund the resources, and to make sure that they also had proficient English teachers, because hey, if they didn't learn English, what was the point of all this? It was a pretty big sum, but Alex had a soft spot when it came to helping kids. So when she heard Matt's voicemail, she didn't have the will to argue. But she also knew how her parents would react to this whole situation, and to Matt suddenly not showing up. So without even thinking twice about it, she had switched to her Mandala. She really hoped they wouldn't recognize it this time. The last time she had been in her presence with her Mandala was 5 years ago. That was the last time she had seen her sister, too. 

It was a particularly cold day in the dead of winter, in Glendale, MO where Alex was visiting her family for the holidays. Maddy was there with her husband at the time, Fred. Her parents, Maddy, and Fred were trying their best to fix her up with Fred's friend, Blaine. Alex was particularly drunk, because her parents had a rule against Mandalas in their household: they were not allowed. In fact, her parents had no idea that Alex had recently undergone the surgery to have the Mandala. She had only moved to LA the year before and she was living independently by herself and for herself. She wasn't planning on sharing this news with them. 

"You know Blaine, Alex has recently gotten into Hollywood so she can definitely help you enter the entertainment business." Alex's mother was gushing to Blaine over the dinner table. 

Blaine looked at Alex, hopefully. He really did look very hot. That was probably why her mother was all over him. On the other side of the living room, her dad was engaged in an intense conversation with Fred, about the political situation regarding Mandalas in high schools. He was completely oblivious to her wife flirting away with a man half her age. 

"Mom. Can you please not give the wrong impression to Blaine? I'm not the director or anything. I just work as a video editor in a team of editors." Alex fumed.

Blaine was studying to be an actor. He had already taken all the classes at this point but he was auditioning left and right to get parts. It was rather weird that Alex's parents were so intent on fixing him up with her, since he didn't even have a "real" job. If anything, they didn't even consider her profession legitimate and now, Blaine, the wannabe actor, was suddenly good enough? Something was not right.

Alex rolled her eyes and walked away from her mom and Blaine, giving the excuse that she wanted to help out her sister in the kitchen. She went to the kitchen, only to be faced with her sister crying. 

Alex walked up to her and put her arms around her, concerned. "Hey...what's wrong? You okay sis? Maddy...do you want me to call Fred?" Maddy was too proud to accept any sympathy, ever. She pushed Alex's hand away quickly. "I'm fine. I'm just getting emotional." Alex, hurt, said slowly, "but why? What's wrong?" Maddy still didn't give in and started to stir the sauce on the stove and checked on the turkey in the oven, ignoring Alex at this point.

At that point, Alex decided not to push it anymore and went to the fridge to get another beer. Maddy, seeing the beer in her hand, snatched it away from her. 

"What the?" Alex exclaimed when Maddy took the beer away and put it back in the fridge.

"What are you doing weirdo?" 

Maddy, ignoring Alex, went back to checking the food. 

Alex wasn't one to fight with her sister but she wasn't the same person. For god's sake, she lives on her own and is independent, she doesn't need her older sister to bitchingly "take care of her." With that, Alex went back to the fridge to take the beer. This time, it was her father, Maximus, who took away the beer bottle from her. Instead of saying anything, Alex just walked away from her father and Maddy, onto the bathroom. She tried really hard not to cry. But then, going back to her own ways, she went right on crying. She turned on the faucet to not let anyone hear her. After a few minutes, she looked at her tear-stricken eyes in the mirror, and she decided. She had purchased a Mandala, for exactly these circumstances. With that, she called out to her Mandala:

Mandala, I need you to take over for me. I know myself. I can't stop crying and it's not even going to end with these tears because I know I will just make a scene in there so you need to go back in there and pretend like all of that exchange just didn't bother me at all. Be the nice young lady, visiting her parents for the holidays, as if nothing can get through me. As for Blaine, make sure you impress him so that he can fall in love with me but just when he wants to kiss me or make a move on me, that is when you will reject him and show to your parents that he is just not good enough for us.

With that, Alex closed her eyes and this time when she opened her eyes, it was her Mandala looking back at her. Alex took a deep breath, washed her face and opened the bathroom door.
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I'm very excited with how this story is progressing! I think I'm very strong when it comes to writing about family relationships--go figure! In any case, I have another day to write a full hour before I edit my work a bit and "check" to see how many pages I actually have and share with my MasterMind group and who knows--maybe I'll actually finish this story by tomorrow! 

The Idea

I'm starting to really lose it with this story. It's just like how Elizabeth Gilbert described in her book, "Big Magic"...it seems like the idea has already left me! Or perhaps it is as my friend said yesterday...maybe it's only gone temporarily and will come back eventually. In this case, I would like to stick with it regardless and go with the flow! So here's the continuation of the "story":
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It's true that Matt had told his girlfriend that he is going to be at the office but he had just called to cancel meetings until the end of the week. The reason was that he had to travel to Dubai, to make a very important deal. He drove home, took a shower, and got his luggage ready. He was also on a conference call while getting ready with Dubai, confirming his travel plans for the week ahead.
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It's 3p now and Alex is in her car, waiting for her parents to find her. She had been waiting for a while now. Apparently, there was a delay in her parents' flight but they didn't bother to tell her. As her dad put it, "we figure you'd be late anyway." Alex was really hoping she wouldn't lose it with them. This was the first time they were going to meet her boyfriend who by the way has not answered any of her calls, which is starting to really worry her. In fact, Alex was very tempted to let her Mandala take control but she decided against it. The thing is, her parents hate Mandalas. In their opinion, Mandalas are taking over our "humanity" and if we keep on using Mandalas to make the "hard decisions" for us, then we would never truly grow. Her dad in particular usually goes on to describe how when he was her age, people had to endure the hard times on their own and blah blah...

There are people like that, even some who are around Alex's age. People who think Mandalas are actually hindering us from experiencing all that life has to offer. Seriously? All that life has to offer? Why would I want to experience the pain, the anxiety, the disappointment? Alex had thought to herself when she first heard the arguments. But when it came to her parents, for some reason, Alex's Mandala didn't fool them. And despite governmental law or whatnot, they always called her out on it. Oh and let's not forget, ms. goody two-shoes, her younger sister, Madeleine or Maddy. She calls herself a true activist in this "cause" and is always trying to fight the government to put a higher age restriction on Mandalas. In today's age and time, when kids are able to purchase Mandalas for themselves as long as their body organs are developed enough and all their baby teeth have fallen, usually around the age 13, in order to do the surgery but Alex had seen her coworkers get Mandalas for their kids before they are even 10 years old. And here, Maddy was part of a movement who was trying to raise the age to 25! Imagine....25 years old! That's like more than double than what it really is. 

It's kind of sad, Alex thought to herself. Maddy didn't have much luck in life. She was married for a year before she found out that her husband who was supposedly on her side with the anti-mandala movement, was actually always on his Mandala when they were together. The worst part was that he had "won" the Mandala in a bet and lost it again after a trip to Vegas. Her husband, Fred, admitted to everything and threw Maddy out of his place before she can even get the chance to be mad at him for lying to her for so long. Maddy had then moved back to her parents' house and has now dedicated her life to fighting the anti-Mandala cause. And her parents could not be more proud. They didn't care that she had deliberately thrown her life away and is still technically married to Fred while living with them.

*Alex heard her car window knock and thought it was the police when she looked and saw her sister, Maddy, smiling at her outside.*

Alex was quite startled. This wasn't the plan. Maddy was not invited. No time to think about that. She quickly got out of the car, went to hug her parents, and her sister and helped them unload their bags onto her tiny car and they all got in the car before Alex drove towards her apartment. 

"How was your flight?" Alex asked her parents while looking at them through the rearview mirror. 

"Eyes on the road!" --said Alex's father, Maximus. "We had a good flight. And look, we have a surprise for you! Aren't you glad?" he said as he looked towards Maddy who was sitting in the passenger seat next to Alex who squeezed Alex's hand on the steering wheel in response. Alex looked over at her sister and smiled. She was kind of happy to see her sister after so long, but at the same time, she was really looking forward to spending this weekend with just her parents, drama-free. In fact, this was a special get-together because they were finally going to meet Matt. Her parents were already judgmental enough and now with Maddy, it is going to be double the judgment! 

"So what ever happened to your boyfriend? What was his name Mark?" asked Alex's mother, Marilyn.

Alex frowned as she was making her way home, only 10 more minutes before she could get home and out of this stuffy car with her family. "What do you mean mom? He's good. He's coming today. To see you guys. I mean, he's very excited to meet you guys."

"He's so excited and yet he refused to come to the airport with you and let you drive all the way here on your own?" Maximus said.

"Dad, he was at work. He is at work now. He has just made director of Sales at his company and he gets really busy sometimes. But he is coming over later after his meetings are over. And dad, I don't need him to drive me...I've been driving for a long time." Alex said without trying to sound angry.

"Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road! Ok we don't have to discuss this now. Let's just wait until we get to your apartment and then we can talk about it then."

Alex was really trying not to lose it at this point. "Dad, there's nothing to discuss and I do have my eyes on the road, my eyes are nowhere but on the road."

Her dad decided to ignore her as he whispered something in her mother's ears and they giggled, like little kids. Alex turned to the last corner, drove up her driveway, and parked the car. 

Alex turned around to her parents and said: "see?" 

But her dad had already opened the door and was getting out of the car at that point. Alex quickly got out of her car. She looked around to see if Matt's car was anywhere to be seen, but it wasn't. She was hoping that he would have been here by now. She looked at her watch that read 3:30. He did say he will try to be here by 4 so hopefully he'll keep his promise. She checked her phone to see if she had any missed calls or texts from him...still nothing. 

"Wow your house looks amazing!" exclaimed Maddy. 

"Yes sweetheart your house looks really good." said her mother.

Maximus had already taken the bags out of the car and was carrying them to the front door. Alex ran after him to open the door for him. He followed her inside. After a quick tour, Alex showed her parents to the guest room. She turned to her sister and said: "This is my only spare room and I mean I wasn't expecting you--" Maximus interrupted: "That's ok. She can come stay with you in your room." Alex frowned and turned to his father to say something when Maddy stepped up: "No dad. I can't do that. Maybe her boyfriend wants to stay over or something. I will just sleep on the couch." 

"Nonsense! Alex, tell your sister it's okay to stay in your room! I'm sure your "friend" can sleep in his own home for a couple of nights huh?" her dad said.

Alex thought about complaining further but decided against it. She turned to Maddy and said: "Yes sister, no problem. Come with me." 

"Alex, are you sure? I mean even if not for your boyfriend..I really don't want to be a burden."

"Nonsense! You're her younger sister! Besides this would be the best time for you guys to really do some bonding. Jesus! How long has it been since you two haven't seen each other?" 

Alex thought to herself but her gave her the answer: "2 years."

"Wow! See? It's been a while! Come on sweetie. Why don't you take a shower and rest a bit and then we can get started on that barbecue!"

Alex thought for a second that he is talking to her but he wasn't as he kissed Maddy on the cheek and turned her towards Alex's room. 

Alex took a long breath and walked her sister to her bedroom. She was fuming inside really. She took out her phone and checked it again---still no text from Matt. She showed her sister to her room, the shower, and the guest towel. She came out of her own bedroom, letting her sister have at some privacy and closed the room with her cell phone in her hand. She walked past the guest room where her parents were. Their door was already closed so they were also probably resting. She walked to the backyard, near the pool area and took out her phone again and for the ninth time that day, she called Matt, only to get the voicemail.

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Matt was already on his way out of the country, in his private jet. Well, the company's private jet to be exact, from Dubai. He was going to sign a Million-dollar deal and in exchange, he was going to move to Dubai all-together. He would only be allowed to visit his office once every three months to make sure everything is going as planned. After all, his company was still the main source of money laundering. As for Alex, he was planning on calling her from Dubai to explain the sudden change of plans. He knew she would understand, especially once she sees the surprise that will arrive at her door later in the day. 

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I think I wrote a good amount this time. As I mentioned, I'm just flying along with the "idea" and seeing where it takes me. To me, it feels like this is more of a screenplay more than anything else because I keep imagining the images of a movie as I write it. It doesn't feel like it's going to be a novel and I'm trying to push it to be a short story but now I think, perhaps after I'm done with the storyline itself, perhaps, I will change the format into a screenplay!

Treachery and Mandalas

I'm going to start with this part of the story to continue in a different route as promised yesterday...

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The next day Alex woke up next to Matt. She felt truly happy. Last night, it was as if this whole frustration hadn't even happened. Mike had gotten flowers, had the sweet apologetic grin, and had made her fall in love with her all over again. She looked at his face as he slept. His closed eyes, his long lashes, his serious face. For some reason, he always looked so serious when he was sleeping. There was never a trace of a smile, just deep sleep. 

Alex made her way out of the bed and onto the kitchen to make some coffee. Her parents were visiting this weekend, and she was to pick them up from the airport in a few hours. While washing the coffee pot, Alex mentally thought out her day's to-do list. Set the items for the barbecue out like the marinaded meat, the charcoal for the barbecue and the appetizers, pick up dress from dry cleaner's before coming home, drive to the airport,... Alex was in her own head when Matt walked into the kitchen and made his way behind her and kissed her neck. 

"Hey..you're up! I didn't wake you did I?"

Matt looked at her, that gave a sinking feeling to Alex in her chest and smiled at her, like she was the most important and special vision in the world. Then he continued to plant kisses on her neck and down her back. 

Alex gave out a moan but then she separated herself from him quickly. 

"Honey...you know my parents are coming today. We need to prepare! What's wrong?" Alex said, when she noticed the frown on his beautiful face.

"Babe..I am so ashamed. I wanted to be here for you so badly but I have an important meeting today at work that I can't miss. Oh heck, who cares? What's the worst that can happen! I'll just not go. I don't want to be that kind of boyfriend."

Alex started shaking her head: "no no nonsense. You go to work. It's ok. I can take care of everything. Do you think you can make it in time for dinner? I was hoping you can help out with the barbecue. I have everything set..you just have to do the grilling. And you know my parents still haven't met you. They are really looking forward to it. 

"Of course babe. I wouldn't miss it for the world!"

Alex and Matt had breakfast before he kissed her, on the mouth this time, and promised to get back by 4p at the latest. 

After Matt closed the door behind him, Alex had to take a moment before moving to take care of everything. On the other side of the door, Matt made his was to his car. He opened the door, and looked onto the mirror and called himself back in---Mandala, I'm ready to return. He closed his eyes, when he opened them again, it was him again, Matt Gonzales. 

He checked his phone and saw that he had 10 missed calls and saw they were all from the office. He called his office right away, frantic and nervous that there really was a meeting that he was forgot about.

"Hello. It's Matt. I have a few missed calls from the office. Can you please let me know who has been making the calls and why? I mean, is everything okay?" 

Yes. Hello sir. I am at the office now and I have been trying to reach you because Mr. Jackie called to say that he is investigating a fraudulent case for our firm. I told him that you are not going to be in office today and he was very persistent on wanting to speak with you asap. 

"What? Fraudulent? Ok ok calm down. I will call him on my personal cell. On that note, I need you to call and cancel all my meetings for the rest of the week. And Carroll? I need you to run an errand for me." And with that, Matt listed a long list of "errands" both personal and work-related for Carroll to do, things that were not relevant to her job description at all but she couldn't say anything to that because she really need this underpaid job, regardless. He then explained to her to hand-deliver a package from the post office to his home. He was really pushing it this time.

"Did you get that? Or do you need me to write that out for you?" He was referring to a time when she misunderstood something he had told her to do and she asked him to text it to her. He hadn't been able to let go of that since then.

No sir. I understand. I will leave the office now. 

Matt smiled, his evil smile. "Look at you. Calling me "sir" left and right. That's right. I am your boss. Because you know that you will not be able to find a job better than the one you have with me now. I know you can make me proud can't you? Maybe when you hand-deliver my package, maybe then I can give your bonus huh"

At this point, Carroll was very scared and didn't know how to respond. She was visibly shaking and trying to steady her voice. Yes, thank you sir. I really do appreciate you hiring me for this job. I won't let you down. 

"Oh I know you won't let me down because you don't want to see that side of me." With that, Matt hung up. He laughed out loud, his evil laugh, when he finished the call. Stupid bitch. I bet she would do as he asks in or out of the office. These Mexican bitches are all the same. 

It's true that Matt had told his girlfriend that he is going to be at the office but he had just called to cancel meetings until the end of the week. The reason was that he had to travel to Dubai, to make a very important deal. He drove home, took a shower, and got his luggage ready. He was also on a conference call while getting ready from Dubai, confirming his plans for the week ahead. 

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Ok I know what you are thinking...it seems like my story is changing route. I actually played around with different directions as I was writing this part but I'm inviting of this different route because or else I'm stuck! Perhaps the new storyline could be that here's this man who is the most wanted in America, because he is the head of a company who does sex trafficking and helps to transport girls to Dubai. The reason why he is so good at it is because he lives a double life--he pretends to be the "good boyfriend", with a decent job, and a good citizen of America, but he is making these deals behind everyone's backs and every time his lies are about to catch up with him, he uses his Mandala to show this other side of him. In fact, he event went into court several times to testify and all while using his Mandala. Based on court laws, no one is allowed to use their Mandalas when in court, but Matt is always able to surpass this law--because the people he works for are the ones who were the creators of Mandalas and they have a way to surpass this law!

Still playing around with the storyline though! 

Short Story

I have been thinking about going back to my fiction-writing for a while and I think now that I am pretty committed to blog writing, I can begin to go back to my fiction-writing. Here's the last story I worked on and I would like to continue this story in the next few posts this week and (hopefully) complete it by the end of the week:

"My Mandala"

"Mandala, I'm too emotional today. Please take my place and represent me throughout the day.” She said this to the mirror and physically closed her eyes so that her Mandala, the peaceful soul could take over.

It is 4013 and we live in a peaceful world. More than 200 years ago, people took to destroying each other in physical and emotional war. That’s when people started wondering what went wrong in our world that led to this ugliness. Based on years of research, a scientist by the name of Abraham Valenro was able to design a guide for all of us, human beings, to take with us throughout the day to ask for assistance and sometimes to fully take a break and let it take control. He named this vessel Mandala for Nelson Mandela, a historical figure and something called a “philanthropist” of his time who took to bringing peace everywhere he went. At first these Mandalas were only available to the rich and those who can pay to have their very own Mandala. But then the ones who couldn’t afford Mandalas were still affecting the society in negative ways. So the government funded the Mandala Association to help people from all walks of life to take advantage of either lending Mandalas or owning their very own Mandala for the sake of being at peace when truly needed and not letting their ego take control and hurt either themselves or the people around them.

A Mandala is something like an angel or guide. Once you buy one, you will have a physical surgery to have it placed into your system. You may have conversations throughout the day with your Mandala through your mind to ask for advice and guidance and if you are about to face a challenge that is too stressful for you to handle, you can just close your eyes and let your Mandala be you for the day. You can program your Mandala to take care of certain tasks throughout the day. For instance, you may have a hard conversation with your boss that day so you can program your Mandala to get through this conversation in one piece and ask the difficult questions that you can’t ask. You will mentally sit back and let your Mandala take care of the rest. Whenever you are ready to get back in control, you can easily tug at your mind and at your Mandala to step back in which it will automatically shut down and let you back in control.

The best part about having a Mandala and letting it take control of your life for any given day is that no one but you will know that your Mandala is in control. People may have guesses if you are the type of person who is always anxious but suddenly one day you’re completely at peace but it is absolutely forbidden for anyone to point out that a person is letting his or her Mandala to take control of him or herself.

After less than a minute, Alex opened her eyes but this time it was her Mandala who was looking back at her in the mirror.

“We have a lot to accomplish today. I have errands to run and getting ready for the guests we have tomorrow. Today, focus on getting the errands done and more importantly, play the role of an accepting girlfriend who doesn’t want to constantly question the fact that her boyfriend is never around and flirts with every girl that walks in his direction. You know that I have problems with my body but today you will love my body for me and let me be at peace.”

So the day began and Mandala did all the tasks and had everything ready for the guests the following night and didn’t once lose her cool when she heard from her friend Rosie that her own boyfriend, Matt, is slutting it up once again at the office. Rosie and Matt work together and Alex has been close friends with Rosie for a long time. Naturally, Rosie has her back. Mandala did not let that effect her day or her true peace. She took the news and let it get through her just like that. Mandala focused on getting everything done and by 8p, as Alex, not only was she very productive with getting the house cleaned up and the grocery list completed, but she also managed to be in good terms with her boyfriend and not act like “the crazy girlfriend” so that Matt, himself was surprised and was even more attracted to her and showed up unexpected at the door with flowers. Alex had already returned to her body, back in control when Matt called and felt like it was the perfect way to end the night and also start hers, beknownst to her that Matt had also given his Mandala to take care of this task for the night to surprise Alex and do all the things that she expected him to do as her boyfriend. He knew that in the end, he truly loved Alex and she was the one who he wanted to marry and Mandala was the perfect vessel to help him get that.

      …………………………………………………

The next day Alex woke up next to Matt. She felt truly happy. Last night has been another big fight with Matt. But he had apologized. He had also explained the whole situation that he was only pretending to like someone at the office, the head of the department, in order to get some more vacation time so that he could take off from work and take a vacation with Alex. This had both surprised and intrigued Alex. It was like Matt always knew what to say. He truly was the perfect boyfriend. She really needed to stop listening to that friend of hers, Rosie. She’s probably jealous. She probably wants to be with someone like Matt and she’s doing all of this to mess them up. Alex slowly rose out of bed and went down to make some breakfast for her man.

Matt was up before his body was. He felt an insane amount of itching in his body, which felt silly because he wasn’t in his body. He tried to reach for it only to realize that he was not indeed in his body. The itchiness was turning into a burning sensation. Matt tried to tug at his mind to take control of his body but it was no use. This time, he had truly pushed the limit. He had been partying with the two secretaries at work all night and he knew that if he met with Alex, he wouldn’t be able to lie to her. So he decided to take the whole night off and give his body to his Mandala so that he would be able to fix everything. Of course, Mandalas are perfect. They do not respond to alcohol as humans do. They are able to surpass it and immediately sober up by command. The effect of the alcohol may still be in the system of the body but when the Mandala is in control, then only the Mandala is in control.

It was usually such an easy process. All Matt did was turn his body over to his Mandala, rest for a couple of hours behind the scenes until he decided he wanted control again. Ok the burning sensation was pretty much impossible to handle at this point. Suddenly, Matt felt his entire body was burning like it was on fire. He tried to scream but he knew that without his actual body, he wouldn’t be able to.  He kept tugging at his Mandala but it was no use. Matt was in agonizing pain but could not take control of his body.

                                  …………………………………………………

Alex was in the kitchen when she heard the scream. She ran back to the bedroom only to find Matt woken up and was visibly shaking. She tried to comfort him but it was no use. It was like he had suddenly become someone else, and no longer that sweet man who slept with her last night.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong? Are you ok? What happened?” Alex asked.

“Bitch. You need to shut the fuck up. I can’t move. My entire body is on fire. What the hell did you to me?” Matt was screaming now.

“Hey. You were there. We made love. Why are you losing it? What’s happened?”

“Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck---”

Matt was repeating it getting it louder and louder. Alex was quiet now. But Matt was continuing to say it with a louder tone each time.

Alex knew that this was not normal so she tried to get up to leave, but Matt was much quicker. He was on top of her before she can get out of the bed. He put his hand on her mouth roughly and continued to shout: “SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT THE FUCK---”

Alex was trying to free herself but she couldn’t move. Matt was really strong. He already had one hand on her mouth but brought his other hand down to her throat, and began to squeeze it hard. Alex was frantically trying to free herself now and kept trying to move but Matt was much stronger. He released his hand on her mouth only to replace it with his mouth. This took Alex but surprise but she really couldn’t talk anymore, he was biting her tongue and her lips while both his hands were on her throat. Alex couldn’t breathe anymore and couldn’t reach oxygen. After a little more frantic movements, Alex went completely still.

Matt finally released his grip on her. In the most normal way, he turned to sleep and brought the covers over himself. He closed his eyes only to open them a minute later.

This time, Matt opened his eyes. It was really Matt this time. He looked around and suddenly saw that Alex was still asleep. He quickly got up, put his clothes on and went out of the door.

He had no idea what had happened. One moment he felt like his entire body was on fire and the next, everything had went black. Moments later, he had woken up in his body next to Alex. He really needed to limit his use of his Mandala. Maybe Alex wasn’t really right for him. Or perhaps this time, he can buy some time from Alex by just turning into his Mandala this one last time and take a “break” from Alex so that he doesn’t have to turn into his Mandala every other day. With all these thoughts, Matt suddenly found himself at home. He was really tired. He couldn’t even remember when he drove home. He shook his head and made his way to the shower. Whatever his fatigue, nothing could resolve his problems better than a nice hot shower.

      …………………………………………………

Matt ran to the door after hearing it a fifth time when he got out of the shower. He fixed his towel around his body firmly and opened the door, surprised to see the cops.

"Hello, are you Matt Gonzalez? 

"Yes"

"We have bad news about your girlfriend Alex Rainer. And we need you to come down to the station with us as we'd like to ask you some questions."

Matt didn't know to be sad about Alex or surprised about why he's being asked to go to the police station, all while holding on to his towel firmly. 

"I don't understand...what does this have to do with me?" 

We have sources that have confirmed that you were the last person who spent time with her before her death. We need you to change now and come down to the station with us. 

The seriousness in the policeman's eyes pushed Matt to not question any further. He was still pretty confused. How did this happen? Is this for real? Who could've done this? He figured, they just want to ask questions and I'm all for answering the questions as best as I can so we can figure out who this fucking killer is. Although just today Matt was seriously considering breaking up with Alex, he still didn't want her dead! He left the door open like that and went to his room with his thoughts and took out a t-shirt with jeans and began to change. Thoughts running through his mind about how--when--where--why?? And then, he made an even bigger mistake, right before he went out of the bedroom, he requested his Mandala to take over and to "deal" with this situation so that he can continue to rest. He didn't know how long this interrogation would take or that that would be the last time he ever stared onto himself in his bedroom mirror. 

           …………………………………………………

Now I'm kind of stuck so here's a little brainstorming for what I want my story to look like in the end.

Brainstorming:
Slowly, people start to realize that these “Mandalas” are actually having a reverse effect. Something has gone wrong in the system—I need to do some research and read a bit about all these movies like Host or robots and how these systems began to take control, how humans’ creations began to take control of humans. I think there's a name for this kind of genre--Al Takeover. 

OR another route I can go into could be not the whole killing thing but something less exciting that leads into people realizing that in order to be true humans, we need to get angry and lose control sometimes, we need to make mistakes in order to be strong human beings. Perhaps it’s an environmental issue that arises or aliens attacking or some other apocalyptical event where people are forced to face this situation and they are numb and can’t even let themselves feel any kind of pain because for years, ever since they were kids, they were using Mandalas as a way to avoid the pain and to avoid feeling anything negative and just taking on the positive. It’s sort of like the concept of the movie “Inside Out” that sometimes we need to feel sad in order to be normal. Sadness, anger, pain, these are all emotions that are virtues and attributes of human beings and we need to feel them in order to be complete human beings. So I want to share THIS message in this story and is it possible to do that through the storyline of this death or do I need to change the course of the story a bit and if I were to change it, how would it look like? I think for tomorrow, I'm going to do a little re-writing of the story line in order to bring this message across. I think I also need to some research and re-watch certain movies like "Invention of Lying" and that concept where no one knows how to lie and I think in the end they realize lying is good or necessary at times? I think I never actually finished watching that movie but I think in order to write this storyline I can definitely get some ideas from other storylines! 

Weekends: Relaxation or Fun?

When you hear the word "fun", you may not immediately think, "fatigue" or "exhaustion". However, I feel like the older I get, the more my threshold for having fun decreases! So when weekends come around, I'm very careful about how I schedule my two days in order to balance the "fun" aspect along with the "relaxation" aspect. In fact, to some, going out and exploring the city or shopping for that matter is fun and relaxation at the same time. However, for me, that's fun for Saturday and I just need Sunday to relax and to sleep the fatigue of Saturday away!

Sometimes, Hamed and I get so carried away with the "relaxation" component of the weekend that we forget to have any kind of "fun" all together! We might even mix "relaxation" with a little bit more work-related business, which makes the not having fun part that much worse! The interesting thing is, we only realize we're doing this after a few weekends pass us by! There could be a lot of reasons why both Hamed and I are so sleep deprived all the time--we have a long commute. As for Hamed, he goes to the Santa Monica everyday, leaves early in the morning around 6am and gets back around 7-7:30p. And it wouldn't all be so bad if the commute part itself--the drive--wasn't 1.5h to 2h each way! I share this commute with him twice a week--Tues & Thurs. You can imagine why my life just sucks so much more when I have to go to the city with him an extra day!

In any case, I think I've gotten a pretty good handle on this weekend thing. The key is to plan ahead as all things are! Usually, Friday evening is the best time to really sit down and plan the days of the weekend like where we would go, what time, what chores need to be done for the weekend and how we can balance the "must-do's" with the "fun-do's" and the "sleep/relaxation/lounge around the apartment-do's"! 

This was my schedule this past weekend:

Saturday:
Running in the am
Brunch with Hamed
Check out furniture store for sofa-shopping {which we finally picked out after two weeks of searching}
LA sightseeing around the valley: the great wall of LA, iliad bookshop, eclectic vintage store, woodley park etc.
Grocery shopping
Get back home, make dinner, eat, and lounge!

Sunday:
Running in the am
Get together brunch with Meetup group/Ladies Who Inspire
Short errand with Hamed
Talk with parents on the phone to catch up
Come home, finish up work putting bed together & clean up the apartment
Get ready for the week ahead
Update blog--now
Sleep!

A Piece of Me

As you sat across from me, you confirmed it.

As you sat, resolved, in all your seriousness, with the same eyes that took me in as a permanent guest, you confirmed what I had feared all this time. You told me you see me, the darkness, and how it’s affecting us and how it could affect us and our love.

I used to think love conquers all. But that was a long time ago. So much has changed. So much has passed. I am not that little girl anymore. Love doesn’t conquer all. Will conquers all. If you will to be better, to choose love before hate, to choose trust before suspicion, to choose happiness over sorrow, to believe what they all tell you or let your heart choose what you know to be true.

It all felt surreal. It reminded me of that other time, when everything felt surreal and I suddenly wasn’t me anymore and I was observing the scene from the outside, looking in, writing the storyline in my mind as I watched you break me. I didn’t want to be there but it was like this force was holding me in place and I just prayed I wouldn’t fall, because I wanted to know. I wanted to know you, know why you changed. 

Did I change you?

Filing Complaints

Have you ever taken advantage of online surveys?

I did. Last night, Hamed and I went into "Galpin Ford" a Ford Dealership to check out their cars. It's interesting because our plan had been to wait until next year to buy a new car but after speaking to the "Internet Consultant" on the phone, I thought, hey why don't we just check it out? And in the days leading up to our appointment with Ford, we were seriously considering buying a car within the next month! However, we had such a horrible experience with the agent at the dealership itself that we changed our mind about buying a Ford forever--at least from that store! I'm still furious at that man and the way he humiliated and embarrassed me. He really made me scared and the more I think about it, the more upset I feel.

You might be thinking...well wasn't your husband with you? Yes, he was. And he was also offended by this act. However, he only came to the U.S. 4 months ago and up until 4 months ago he lived his entire life in Iran. And unfortunately, things like this happens so often in Iran and women just keep silent about it and men (the good ones) think, we can't change the system, people are just like that so the best thing to do is to just not take it personally and move on. However, I grew up here. And I know for a fact after going through all the "Sexual Harassment" courses at different jobs, I know that it is not in fact okay that he treated me like that. In fact, not only can he get fired but the entire company can go into question and might have to pay for his actions--if I decide to go on record about this. I haven't done that yet. I don't know if I will. But here's what I wrote in the online "survey" they sent me this morning in my email:

The Internet consultant was very courteous and convinced me to consider buying a Ford car even though that was not my agenda at all when I checked the website. However, after visiting Galpin Ford itself, I have completely changed my mind and would never want to go back to that store as the man who managed our case was very rude. First of all, instead of "selling" the car that we were planning on getting in the first place, he kept downplaying it. Then, after showing us another model that we really liked and were considering, he kept on trying to stall us. I felt like he was getting paid by the hour that he spent with us so every time my husband and I wanted to go ahead to the office and talk numbers, he kept on trying to stall us more. Once we got to the office, he spent 10-15 minutes typing things onto the computer and making small talk with us. I'm not sure what he was doing as he was not transparent with what he was doing--maybe his own personal work? Then, he finally said, "Ok I will go and get the numbers for you." He first spent about 10 minutes at another office across from his then he left the building and disappeared. We waited for another 10-15 minutes. At this point, my husband and I were very agitated and tired and felt like we were not taken care of at all so we decided to leave. We made an effort to find someone to tell them we're leaving but no one seemed to care that we were unsatisfied or lost! So we went ahead to the parking and got in our car to leave when finally the agent appeared. Then, instead of being apologetic in some way for making us wait for so long, he was very very rude. He spoke threateningly telling us: "what do you think? this is 7-11 or something? that you can just get what you want really fast? buying a car is no joke. it takes time--you have to be willing to put the time." At this point, I felt very scared because he was coming very close to my face telling me this and I was just thankful that my husband was sitting right next to me in the car. Then my husband agreed to just go and look at the numbers. We went back into the office to look at the numbers. Again, he was very rude and I was trying not to talk so much or look him in the eye though at that point I was furious and scared. I just wanted to get out of there. Then, to make it all even worse, the agent kept on asking personal and unprofessional questions from my husband and I like where did you meet? when did you get married? oh so you brought your husband here from your country? you went to your country for a visit and came back with a husband huh? in a very misogynistic way. I was very embarrassed which is really messed up. I did not expect this kind of treatment--ever! I had a horrible experience and I never wish to go back there. I wish the man who was on the phone would have been the one to guide us through the process at Galpin Ford. Even if I do decide to buy a ford, ever, I would never go back to that store and get it from there. And I will make sure to tell anyone I can to never go there. I felt like I was harassed there.

The interesting part was the process of me writing this in the website. Two men's faces kept coming up in my mind--my dad and my husband. "What are you doing? it wasn't that bad! you could get him fired!" And it's just them. I kept thinking to myself, "was it that bad? maybe I was just imagining it? maybe it was my fault?" But then, now, after I'm writing about it in my blog, I just see how fucked up this really is. This is exactly what women must feel when they are sexually harassed or worse--raped! Unfortunately, society has left its mark on us and we feel like putting the blame on ourselves rather than on the person who did this. It is beyond messed up and though I have always seen myself as a feminist, I thought twice about just an online survey! This is beyond fucked up. And perhaps, just because of that, maybe I will go on record about this to make sure this man does get fired so he never dares to speak to any other woman like that and bully them and harass them ever again. I feel sorry for his family, but maybe they need to know the truth.

Chemistry

Today, I made a decision.

I decided to never accept work from clients with whom I do not feel chemistry.

That's right. I have made it official. I am not going to let money define me. In the end, I need to choose myself, my own peace of mind, and never accept to work with someone that I get energy from. Thankfully, in the 9 months that I have started working as an Independent Writer and Editor, there were only two examples of clients that I did not feel this chemistry with. It's interesting, but I feel like both of these people, though from completely different backgrounds were very similar in many ways.

Here is a list that I observed in the two clients, and rules that I have developed in my experience.

1. They were especially stingy about paying my fees. I say "stingy" because in the very first session, I make it clear what my rates are and I make sure to come to an agreement with the client. And yet, when it comes to pay, they both got so stingy about it and argued about it. That. Is. Too. Unprofessional. And I can't stand for it. Rule #1: When you start getting the feeling that a potential client is the type who doesn't really value your work and doesn't really want to pay you for your services, you are probably right. Be very unyielding and stubborn about your rates. If you don't, they will walk all over you.

2. They always made the impression that I work for them and thus allow themselves to act like they own me. "Fix this for me now." or "I want you to do this now." Bitch, move on. I am not your slave. Rule #2: Be very clear about what your policies are before you sign a contract. Make it clear how much time in advance you would be willing to accept work or what your work entails exactly. If it's tutoring, then be clear that under no circumstance would you ever accept to do the work for the client. Or if you are to be ghost writing, then a certain independence and authority should be given to you as the writer and there is a way for the client to ask questions about what you have written and there are just ways they can't. As the service provider, it is your responsibility to set boundaries in the very beginning so if the client tries to break them, you are justified in charging them funds as necessary or ending contract.

3. They were overly sweet when they urgently needed my help and were desperate for it. As soon as their work would finish, they would go back to being stingy and commanding. Rule #3: Always maintain a professional atmosphere with your clients. You can be friendly, but never cross any lines, especially with the ones you feel like you can tell they are being rather superficial in their niceness. In the end, they are not your friends; they are your clients.

4. They both did not know when to stop talking. No matter how much I told them I do not have the time or desire to continue working with them, they kept coming back and constantly calling or texting me at different times throughout the day (or even throughout the night). Rule #4: Make rules and policies about when it is okay to be contacted. Or at least make it clear that you would not be responding to messages that were sent after a certain time and they should expect a response the next day etc. Again, some people need to be told directly what your policies and rules are and that is the only way you can make them work. In fact, even then, you may not "get them to work" but at least you'll have your leverage and can easily end the contract without feeling guilty of unprofessionalism. 

5. From the very beginning, before I even started working with them, I felt this negative vibe from them and decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm not saying I have a secret power to read people or anything, but I am very much in touch with my feelings and can understand energy and how it works. Rule #5: When you do feel a negative vibe from a client, before even starting work with them, just follow the first 4 rules and make policies and rules before starting to work. The idea is to be cautious. You don't want to ever refuse to work with someone just because of a "feeling" you may have. In fact, that person might be having a bad day or might be going through something hard in his or her life. Perhaps, the service you provide for them is just what they need in order to put their life together. Never lose the opportunity to do that. However, just be very very cautious. Trust your gut.