Good morning fellow readers. It's a beautiful Sunday morning indeed. I am not able to use my alarm these days, but I have pleasantly been able to wake up by 7 these past two days. Hopefully, this trend will continue on throughout this week. I always write better, early in the morning, especially when I have a topic in mind. I just read an article on Muse that seemed to be talking straight to me, especially with the dilemma that I'm facing the past few days.
I am in Oakland, California now, visiting my sister. I decided to travel here because I wanted to attend a retreat that is only held twice a year here. I definitely didn't want to miss it. Besides, since I left in August, I haven't visited once. There was a lot I wanted to see, people, places, and events too. And when it comes to writing, it is always good to "change scenery" in order to be inspired more to write. Weeks before, I bought my ticket for here (at a bargain price by megabus) and really looked forward to coming here. Suddenly, my world shattered, so to speak, when my plans changed as I had to bring along a guest with me. Now, this is a very sweet lady, around my grand mother's age, a family friend and far relative, but she wasn't my guest to begin with, as my husband implores. She was and remains to be my sister's guest.
Whenever we go to Iran, she is so kind to invite us and take care of us, especially of my sister. Now, my sister wanted to "give back" this kindness by inviting her to her own house. Somehow, this got mixed up with my 1-week trip. On top of all this, despite her supposedly just someone I'm supposed to bring with me here, suddenly, I find myself being in charge and having to stop my work for her. So I have to stay in the house, make breakfast for her, (especially during the week when my sister goes to work), take her out during the day for shopping, and etc...
I once had this conversation with a good friend of mine, about how in our culture, unfortunately so, sometimes it is important to draw boundaries between relatives and family members. I like this about my culture that families are always so close and they are so involved in each other's lives and care for each other. On the other hand, this can always translate into not minding their own business, exceeding limits, and crossing certain boundary lines that should not be crossed and are not meant to be crossed. For the biggest portion of my life, I didn't know this. I thought it was normal to have my family "butt in" to my personal life. Okay I lied. I always thought this was considered very weird. In fact, when I ready Virginia Woolfe's One's Own Room, I felt like she was describing me in her book. When I was a teenager, at some point, my father vowed to take off my door to show proof that I have no privacy. Years later, I am 28 years old, living in Los Angeles with my husband, and it still seems like I have no door, or the door is ready to be torn off any minute now. Every time, I try to keep the door steady, while still proclaiming my love to my family, it seems like I am shown that either I take off the door and be part of my family or I close the door to them forever.
I hate this about our culture. I hate that there's no balance. I hate that I have to choose between being a bitch or "the obedient daughter" when I just want to be myself, do my work, and be respected for it. Maybe it is my fault too. Maybe I care too much about what they think. Maybe I care too much about not being liked or about being "shun". Maybe I wouldn't be shun regardless. Maybe I would just be the "less-liked" daughter...which I am that regardless of what I do in my life and who I am. Perhaps I'm making it too emotional but these are the feelings that I am experiencing in this dilemma. And it is exactly during these dilemmas, sometimes very small like this one, and sometimes much much bigger, that we get a glimpse of who we are and who we can be.
I am in Oakland, California now, visiting my sister. I decided to travel here because I wanted to attend a retreat that is only held twice a year here. I definitely didn't want to miss it. Besides, since I left in August, I haven't visited once. There was a lot I wanted to see, people, places, and events too. And when it comes to writing, it is always good to "change scenery" in order to be inspired more to write. Weeks before, I bought my ticket for here (at a bargain price by megabus) and really looked forward to coming here. Suddenly, my world shattered, so to speak, when my plans changed as I had to bring along a guest with me. Now, this is a very sweet lady, around my grand mother's age, a family friend and far relative, but she wasn't my guest to begin with, as my husband implores. She was and remains to be my sister's guest.
Whenever we go to Iran, she is so kind to invite us and take care of us, especially of my sister. Now, my sister wanted to "give back" this kindness by inviting her to her own house. Somehow, this got mixed up with my 1-week trip. On top of all this, despite her supposedly just someone I'm supposed to bring with me here, suddenly, I find myself being in charge and having to stop my work for her. So I have to stay in the house, make breakfast for her, (especially during the week when my sister goes to work), take her out during the day for shopping, and etc...
I once had this conversation with a good friend of mine, about how in our culture, unfortunately so, sometimes it is important to draw boundaries between relatives and family members. I like this about my culture that families are always so close and they are so involved in each other's lives and care for each other. On the other hand, this can always translate into not minding their own business, exceeding limits, and crossing certain boundary lines that should not be crossed and are not meant to be crossed. For the biggest portion of my life, I didn't know this. I thought it was normal to have my family "butt in" to my personal life. Okay I lied. I always thought this was considered very weird. In fact, when I ready Virginia Woolfe's One's Own Room, I felt like she was describing me in her book. When I was a teenager, at some point, my father vowed to take off my door to show proof that I have no privacy. Years later, I am 28 years old, living in Los Angeles with my husband, and it still seems like I have no door, or the door is ready to be torn off any minute now. Every time, I try to keep the door steady, while still proclaiming my love to my family, it seems like I am shown that either I take off the door and be part of my family or I close the door to them forever.
I hate this about our culture. I hate that there's no balance. I hate that I have to choose between being a bitch or "the obedient daughter" when I just want to be myself, do my work, and be respected for it. Maybe it is my fault too. Maybe I care too much about what they think. Maybe I care too much about not being liked or about being "shun". Maybe I wouldn't be shun regardless. Maybe I would just be the "less-liked" daughter...which I am that regardless of what I do in my life and who I am. Perhaps I'm making it too emotional but these are the feelings that I am experiencing in this dilemma. And it is exactly during these dilemmas, sometimes very small like this one, and sometimes much much bigger, that we get a glimpse of who we are and who we can be.
No comments:
Post a Comment