It seems like every Thanksgiving, the week leading up to it, we find ourselves counting down the days until we reach turkey day. Whether we ourselves are the chefs or we are invited to a friend's or relative's for dinner, we can't wait until we are sitting around that table and giving our thanks right before we dig into that flesh with a side of cranberry sauce.
Thanksgiving is the one day from the whole year that we dedicate to giving thanks for the food that we already eat everyday. After thanksgiving follows Black Friday shopping and preparing for the next holiday--Christmas. It's the season of holidays basically and Thanksgiving is only the beginning. It's everyone's favorite time of the year! This time period usually ends right after the second or third week of January. People are looking forward to the next holiday all the way up to New Year's day and then the first two weeks of the year they're always motivated to change their lives and start anew. Somehow after one or two weeks, the juice runs out and people are suddenly regretting all that alcohol they consumed the weeks leading up to New Year's eve and the night itself. People are suddenly remembering all that turkey and gravy they stuffed themselves with...and their regrets turn into this dark circle of failure and hopelessness....
Well, for me, this regret hit a little early. I feel as if I have been preparing all year for this past week event where I worked on myself and tried to become this peaceful person who is able to forgive and forget and not let the outside affect her so much and be at peace. Yet, thanksgiving, my favorite holiday of all time, came around and it seems like all I've done this past year just went into waste and I became the same person I was many years ago and I couldn't stand myself. You would think that after all that meditation and self-actualization practices I would be trained enough to at least let myself be and not hate myself so much. Yet, there I was, despising myself more and more each time I felt jealous or unwanted. I hate that I was weak...that I was affected by just a few words. I tried wishing my feelings away but it was impossible, so I settled for trying my best not to show it and to drown the darkness within me without showing any sign of pain. Be strong, be brave, just don't show that this is killing you.
It's been a while since I have been filled with regret as much as I am now. The good thing about this is that the regret hit me way earlier than most people and now I can focus on not making the same mistakes--like locking myself with my entire family for the week--during the next few holidays. I want to focus on what holidays are all about--loving and being loved. It seems like the only way I can do this is by distancing myself from my family and staying in LA with my husband. At least something is different this year and I finally have the ability to stay away from the rest. Why should I put myself through that again when I know that I can be so much more content and at peace with just me and my husband? I won't.
I guess regrets aren't that bad after all because if realized soon enough, you can turn your entire holiday around and realize your happiness.
Thanksgiving is the one day from the whole year that we dedicate to giving thanks for the food that we already eat everyday. After thanksgiving follows Black Friday shopping and preparing for the next holiday--Christmas. It's the season of holidays basically and Thanksgiving is only the beginning. It's everyone's favorite time of the year! This time period usually ends right after the second or third week of January. People are looking forward to the next holiday all the way up to New Year's day and then the first two weeks of the year they're always motivated to change their lives and start anew. Somehow after one or two weeks, the juice runs out and people are suddenly regretting all that alcohol they consumed the weeks leading up to New Year's eve and the night itself. People are suddenly remembering all that turkey and gravy they stuffed themselves with...and their regrets turn into this dark circle of failure and hopelessness....
Well, for me, this regret hit a little early. I feel as if I have been preparing all year for this past week event where I worked on myself and tried to become this peaceful person who is able to forgive and forget and not let the outside affect her so much and be at peace. Yet, thanksgiving, my favorite holiday of all time, came around and it seems like all I've done this past year just went into waste and I became the same person I was many years ago and I couldn't stand myself. You would think that after all that meditation and self-actualization practices I would be trained enough to at least let myself be and not hate myself so much. Yet, there I was, despising myself more and more each time I felt jealous or unwanted. I hate that I was weak...that I was affected by just a few words. I tried wishing my feelings away but it was impossible, so I settled for trying my best not to show it and to drown the darkness within me without showing any sign of pain. Be strong, be brave, just don't show that this is killing you.
It's been a while since I have been filled with regret as much as I am now. The good thing about this is that the regret hit me way earlier than most people and now I can focus on not making the same mistakes--like locking myself with my entire family for the week--during the next few holidays. I want to focus on what holidays are all about--loving and being loved. It seems like the only way I can do this is by distancing myself from my family and staying in LA with my husband. At least something is different this year and I finally have the ability to stay away from the rest. Why should I put myself through that again when I know that I can be so much more content and at peace with just me and my husband? I won't.
I guess regrets aren't that bad after all because if realized soon enough, you can turn your entire holiday around and realize your happiness.
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